I have just returned from a ten day trip to the Philippines and I feel very fortunate to have had the opportunity to visit such a country. My time was split between the island of Bohol and Dumaguete city on Negros Oriental. There are many things I could write about from this amazing trip, especially considering this was my first visit to a non-western developed country, and I am sure all my experiences will filter through into my writing one way or another. I got to hang out with old friends, meet new friends and go to a wonderful kirtan meditation retreat. But for now I would like to write about my experience in regards to the practise of thankfulness.
Yoga is so much more than physical exercises!
The word Yoga means union, and specifically refers to the loving union between the soul and the Supreme Soul. So, Yoga is a process that helps a person come to a point of experiencing this loving union. Yoga wisdom explains that I, the self, am eternal and spiritual by nature, a spark of the Supreme Soul. I am not this temporary physical body or mind, and this ever-changing material world is not my permanent home. I am like a fish out of water.
I am at the train station at Beenleigh, about to head into Brisbane city from where I will be catching the train to Rockhampton on route to our new place of residence, Yeppoon. Moving. New place, new house, new friends. Radha had taken an artist in residency position for a local private business where he will be creating their iconic (nor pressure) front signage.
We will be living onsite in a caravan, which I have been informed is bigger than our boat. But it’s not just the size that makes me unsure about caravans. They seem to me a little clunky, unnatural, a limbo between land and sea I guess you could say.
After we finished our sail from Brisbane to the Whitsundays (and back) this blog fell by the wayside as we got back into land life, and although we were still living on our boat we didn’t get out sailing much. It is hard to write a sailing blog when you don’t go out sailing :(. This year, feeling motivated to start up the blog again, because hey it doesn’t need to be just about sailing, we are going to begin the second chapter to our blog. For logic sake some of the posts that add, which we wrote but never published online, will be back dated so as to fit chronologically.
Wishing you the best for 2108, and hope you visit again soon.
(Oh, and the booking reference in the photo is my trip to Bohol, Philippines!- Pam)
Pam and Radha
My IVF cycle was cancelled on Wednesday afternoon. The specialist called me the following Tuesday for a review (he was away in Sydney). He confirmed that my body had not responded to the drugs and that IVF would not be suitable to try again. The remaining option he suggested was to try with donor eggs, but Radha and I had already decided before this that we didn’t want to go down that route.
I think you need to be a bit practical when facing infertility, to think ahead worst case scenario’s and know where your limit is, at what point you are going to stop. Then if you reach that point you are somewhat prepared, you have already looked ahead analytically, theoretically and visited that space.
It’s also okay to say I’m done.
I thought that this photo of the baby turtle was fitting as it was kind of how I felt after the IVF was cancelled. Not that I was feeling alone on a beach at this particular time, but feeling like a little speck in the scheme of the cosmos. I could feel that I had this whole life in front of me, a life that stretches far beyond the lifespan of this particular material body, a life that stretches out like a vast ocean with so many directions to go and try and fill that longing we all have.
I felt like that little turtle looking out at a vast ocean, but it wasn’t daunting, it was okay because I knew that God, Krishna, was there loving me, and that just by trying in my life to love him back my life would be okay.
Today I am wondering what’s the point in my reattempt to have a child, this time through IVF. I am waiting in the car, between my pre 9 am blood test and 10:15 scan. This will be my third scan. On my first and second scans only 6 follicles were visible. Let alone the low number they aren’t exactly smashing it out of the ball park in size. I am on 450ml of the follicle stimulating hormone, Puregon, the maximum amount tested by the manufacturers.
I am wondering if this will be the defining scan that will conclude my body is not responding and the IVF cycle will be cancelled. The specialist was unsure how it would go, and perhaps this will be the indication that my body is in the diminished ovarian reserve stage rather than just having a low ovarian reserve.