My IVF cycle was cancelled on Wednesday afternoon. The specialist called me the following Tuesday for a review (he was away in Sydney). He confirmed that my body had not responded to the drugs and that IVF would not be suitable to try again. The remaining option he suggested was to try with donor eggs, but Radha and I had already decided before this that we didn’t want to go down that route.
I think you need to be a bit practical when facing infertility, to think ahead worst case scenario’s and know where your limit is, at what point you are going to stop. Then if you reach that point you are somewhat prepared, you have already looked ahead analytically, theoretically and visited that space.
It’s also okay to say I’m done.
I thought that this photo of the baby turtle was fitting as it was kind of how I felt after the IVF was cancelled. Not that I was feeling alone on a beach at this particular time, but feeling like a little speck in the scheme of the cosmos. I could feel that I had this whole life in front of me, a life that stretches far beyond the lifespan of this particular material body, a life that stretches out like a vast ocean with so many directions to go and try and fill that longing we all have.
I felt like that little turtle looking out at a vast ocean, but it wasn’t daunting, it was okay because I knew that God, Krishna, was there loving me, and that just be trying in my life to love him back my life would be okay.